Wanting to Help and Protect
As Linda’s daughter, I can’t help but be concerned about her health and happiness. I’m learning that as our parents age or begin dealing with illness or infirmity, that becomes much more complex. We need to worry enough to be paying attention and doing our due diligence, protect enough to prevent needless setbacks, but also not be doing those things when they’re not needed or in ways that make our loved ones feel like they are incapable of handling things themselves. Sometimes it can feel like torture when you watch your parent try to get a tight lid off a jar, open a sticky screen door, or chop veggies for dinner. But watch and wait on these things we must. Waiting for our loved ones to ask for help is always the best.
But . . .
Sometimes, my mom does things that put her in jeopardy more than is needed, and my sister and I have vowed to confront her about them.
For example, the other day my sister saw my mom walking down the street with her hands in her pockets. What?! Does mom already forget her faceplant at the airport? This is one of those life-long habits that no longer serve my mom, increasing the likelihood of more serious injury should she fall. So my sister told my mom to cut it out and I gave her some fingerless gloves in case she was doing it due to cold hands.
Mom can also be stubborn about grabbing and pouring from the electric tea kettle. This one is a bit more complex, right, because we don’t want to make her feel incapable of making her own coffee. But of all the things she should be still trying to pick up, one full of enough boiling water to scald her entire torso should not be it.
Now, mom has done a hundred things at one time long before the term multitasking started to rise in use, and she continues to try to do that, even though it’s been shown to be impossible to do anything as well as you can if you have your attention split between multiple things. Our whole world now is wrapped up in multitasking. So I noticed that my mom answers my phone calls no matter what else she is doing, including eating. With her dysphagia (trouble swallowing), it is not wise for her to talk while eating. Now, whenever I call her, the first thing I ask is, “Are you eating right now?” If she is, I demand that we hang up and she calls me back when she’s done.
So really, as family and friends of folks with IBM, we need to balance trying to help, protect, offer advice, and do things for our loved ones. But to you folks with IBM, you also need to listen to your family and friends when they see you doing things that might put you in the way of harm. Oftentimes, these things will be so habitual to you, that you don’t even realize you’re doing them. If you can also understand that we don’t mean to make you feel smaller when we offer to help - it comes from a good place. So please be gentle when you ask us to work with you to determine what kinds of help you want and need.
“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
This blog post is based on personal experiences and is not meant to provide medical advice.
Always consult your healthcare professional for personalized guidance on your health journey.
